


The Perks of Being an Avengers Wrangler

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Yet Another Gratuitously Fluffy Darcyland Soulmate AU [19]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, As you do, Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Crack, Darcyland, F/M, Fluff, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Wart the Clockwork Squirrel, Wendy the Cloak of Levitation, abuse of the space/time continuum, patching together what i want from canon and blithely ignoring the rest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 13:36:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10922865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: Darcy loves her problematic superpowered children.  Yes they drive her up a wall, but every so often they do something that makes her remember why she hangs out with these nerds in the first place.Like, say, building an inter-dimensional gateway so that she can meet her soulmate.





	The Perks of Being an Avengers Wrangler

**Author's Note:**

> This is for [RED (CherokeeFox20)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CherokeeFox20/pseuds/RED), who requested a funny McAvoy!Xavier story and Tony calling him Mini-Me. I hope this suits.

Darcy never wanted to be a superhero.  She never looked at the assorted powers of the Avengers with envy—generally, she firmly believed that superpowers were more trouble than they were worth.  Sure, sometimes it might be handy to have the strength of Steve (not to mention his metabolism…okay, maybe she was a _little_ jealous of that) or Thor’s command of lightning.  On the other hand, she was friends with both Steve and Thor, so she could generally get them lend a hand—or a shield, or a hammer—when necessary. 

(And really, she had Palpatine, so it was questionable as to whether or not she actually _needed_ Thor’s lightning mojo.)

Perks like these were the main reason she made a point of befriending each of the Avengers and their growing number of associates whenever another superpowered stray was brought into the fold (and the stop-Clint-from-adopting-superpowered-strays intervention was only half a joke, because ‘This really needs to stop, YOU ARE NOT OPRAH, CLINT’).  After all, you never know when you might need Clint to shoot something with a trick arrow, or hit Tony up for your own personalized tech, or get Natasha to show you some moves for the next time a date looks sketchy, or ask Scott to help you plan a heist (which had only happened once.  Scott had scrubbed the Bronx Zoo security footage, so it wasn’t as if they had been—or would be—caught.  Besides, it was for a good cause.  Jane’s threat to restrict her time spent with Scott was a complete overreaction and utterly uncalled for).

It was in the spirit of investing in future perks that she was in Jane’s lab with Jane, Tony, and the Avengers—and consequently, Darcy’s—new best friend, Stephen ‘Doctor, not Mister, not Master, and most certainly not Timelord’ Strange.  They were hoping their combine genius and know-how would crack the secrets of space/time travel.  Jane was slightly miffed at Stephen’s presence in her lab, muttering about ‘Jack Sparrow handwaving’ any time he did any sort of magic.  Privately, Darcy suspected she just didn’t appreciate the whole ‘magic is science we don’t understand’ spiel when it was coming from a Sherlock lookalike rather than an Eomir lookalike.  Jane could be distressingly biased sometimes (just because she’d had _one_ bad run-in with Stephen’s cousin back when they were in England saving the world.  The woman could hold a grudge like no one else).

Actually, that wasn’t fair to Jane.  The real reason she tended to look on him with a less-than-friendly eye was because he refused to allow her to dissect his sling ring.  Darcy couldn’t really blame him, but she wasn’t going to say that out loud.  There was no way she wanted to have to take sides between her best friend and the closest thing she’d ever get to the Doctor.

Rather than moderate an argument littered with terminology she didn’t understand—and, in Tony’s case, was probably made up on the spot—Darcy parked herself in a corner of the lab and concentrated on tinkering with Wart, the semi-sentient clockwork squirrel she’d made after the one and only time she’d watched the entire Middle Earth saga straight through.  Lately, it had acquired the habit of collecting gears and small bits of machinery from the labs and stashing them under her bed.  She suspected it was using the vents to get around, though Clint hadn’t mentioned coming across it in any of his vent crawls.  She wasn’t entirely sure what Wart wanted with the stash—was it the clockwork equivalent of hoarding nuts?  Did clockwork squirrels _need_ to eat?  Maybe it was attempting to build an army of clockwork rodents which it would use to take over the world and eventually the galaxy, which it would then rule with an iron paw.  Well, a tungsten-adamantium-alloy-of-Tony’s-creation paw, if you wanted to be literal.

The argument—sorry, _discussion—_ between the astrophysicist, engineer/superhero, and neurosurgeon/sorcerer was a pleasant background noise to her own work.  In fact, the occasional Science!speech (Jane), technobabble (Tony), and mystical mumbo-jumbo (Stephen) they dropped into the conversation almost sounded like a weird form of music.  There was a rhythm to it, and Darcy found herself bobbing her head to the beat as she worked.  If they ever got through this collaboration without killing each other, she was totally going to make them form a band.  It’d be awesome.  They just needed to come up with a killer name.  Quantum Rock?  She had a couple of friends in a band called the Bibliotechnos, though it was mostly just something they did for fun (and as a cover when they needed to investigate suspicious activity and saying ‘We’re the Librarians’ wasn’t gonna cut it, but that was beside the point).  Still, Ezekiel and Cassandra could probably help her come up with a good name…

She was deep into weighing the merits of Multiverse Theory versus the Wingnuts as a band name when Balrog, who’d been hovering near the ceiling with the aid of Wendy, suddenly let out a snort and dropped to the ground, sending her a spike of warning through their link as he did so.  As he moved protectively in front of her, Wendy flew to Stephen and wrapped around his neck, instantly transforming him from Stephen, arrogant nerd with questionable fashion choices to Doctor Strange, Master of the Mystic Arts.  It was impressive what the addition of sentient outerwear could do for your persona.

‘You weren’t supposed to go through with it!’ Jane yelled, at the same time Tony muttered ‘Aw, nuts!’ and Stephen used Wendy to float a couple of feet in the air as he formed a whip of sparking magic.

The machine they’d been arguing about all morning was glowing.  In fact, it was more than glowing, it was emitting a high-pitched whine and turning the air in front of it oddly…watery.

‘Hey, Janey?  General Hammond called, he wants his Stargate back.’

‘Really not the time, Darcy,’ Jane said, waving a distracted hand.  ‘Besides, didn’t he retire at the end of season seven?  I don’t think he’s in any position to be making demands.’

‘Yeah,’ Tony added, scratching his goatee while frowning at the wibbly air, ‘didn’t one of the Bridges end up being in charge?  What was his name…’  He snapped his fingers.  ‘Landry, that’s it!  If anybody’s going to be coming in here demanding Stargates, it’ll be him.’

Darcy threw one of the gears she’d retrieved from Wart’s hoard at Tony’s head.  ‘Anthony Edward Stark, you bite your tongue!  You know very well there’s no point watching _Stargate_ once O’Neill left!’

Stephen rolled his eyes so hard it was almost audible.  ‘For the love of Pink Floyd, this is _not_ the time to be arguing about TV shows.  Anyway, I was always partial to _Atlantis_ , myself.’

The nascent wormhole was forgotten as the room sucked in a collective, shocked breath.  Jane and Tony stared at him in speechless horror, while Darcy pointed an accusing screwdriver at him.  _‘Sacrilege!’_ she hissed.  Wendy slapped him with a corner of her collar—she’d participated in _Stargate:  SG1_ marathons with Darcy and Balrog, and obviously knew what was what.  Just another example of Stephen’s cloak being smarter than he was.

‘Oh, dear.  I’m not in Kansas anymore, am I?’

Stephen’s disappointing taste in TV shows was forgotten as every head swiveled to the new voice.  In place of the wormhole stood a dark-haired man in a turtle neck and tweedy suit.

Darcy transferred her accusing screwdriver-pointing from Stephen to the newcomer.  ‘Jane, you’ve let an alien through our Stargate!’ 

Jane glared at Darcy.  ‘Whaddya mean, _I_ let an alien through our Stargate?!’

Tony placed a dramatic hand on his chest.  ‘Jane, how _could_ you?’

She reached over and slapped him on the back of his head.  _‘You’re_ the one who turned it on, genius!’

Darcy turned to the newcomer, who was watching Jane and Tony’s argument with wary interest.  _‘Please tell me you’re not an alien and you don’t have a snake in your head.’_

His intense blue eyes snapped to her own, and he raised an eyebrow.  _‘Of course not.  If I was an alien, would I be quoting_ The Wizard of Oz?’

She blinked, then shrugged.  ‘Possibly.  Thor’s an alien, and he loves that movie.  Steve made him watch it after the Battle of New York.’

‘The Battle of New York?  Aliens watching movies?  I’m really _not_ in Kansas anymore, am I?’

‘’Fraid not.  And I hate to break it to you, but it looks like you lost your ride.’

He looked at the wormhole generator, which was no longer generating anything except a thin spiral of smoke.  ‘Oh.  That’s a problem, isn’t it?’

‘Not to worry, you’ve got the greatest mind on the planet working on it.’  Tony stuck out a hand.  ‘Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, ex-playboy, philanthropist, and part-time superhero, here to save the day.’

‘Xavier.  Professor Charles Xavier.’  He turned to Darcy, catching her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it.  ‘But _you_ can call me “Soulmate,”’ he added with a wink.

She snorted, tugging her hand free.  ‘Nice try, Dorothy, but I know Professor X, and he’s got way more mileage and waaay less hair than you.’  _And he’s not nearly as cute._   ‘Plus, I know for a fact he’s not my soulmate.’

He jerked a thumb at the wormhole generator.  ‘Given that I just came through some kind of advanced space/time portal, I think it’s safe to assume that I’ve traveled to the future.  You said we’ve made contact with aliens?  We certainly don’t have any of _those—’_ he waved to Balrog ‘—when I come from.’  Balrog favoured him with a toothy grin, coming up to lean heavily against Darcy.

She leaned against him in turn, draping an arm across his shoulders.  ‘When you come from must be pretty lame,’ she said, at the same time Tony muttered, ‘Consider yourself lucky, pal.’ 

Jane, basking in the glow of having the machine she’d built out of spare parts and duct tape described as ‘advanced,’ beamed at ‘Charles’.  ‘I like him,’ she said.

Darcy narrowed her eyes.  ‘You already have a soulmate, boss lady.  Hands off.’

Her soulmate grinned.  ‘I knew you liked me!’

She glared at him to cover her blush.  He had a really nice smile, drat him.  ‘Jury’s still out on that, Professor X impersonator.’

‘If he’s a time traveler, wouldn’t he be more like a Professor X Mini-Me?’ Tony asked.  ‘I mean, look at him!  He’s like a baby Xavier!’

Stephen let his whip dissipate and crossed his arms.  ‘He’s not a time traveler.  At least, not just a time traveler.’

Darcy twisted to look up at him, since he was still floating, Wendy flaring dramatically behind him.  Showoffs, the pair of them.  ‘Say what?’

‘His energy is all wrong.  I’ve never met Xavier, so I can’t speak for whether or not he’s actually Xavier’s Mini-Me—’

Baby Xavier held up a hand.  ‘Can we stop calling me that?’

‘—but he’s definitely not from this reality.’

Darcy squinted at Jane.  ‘Is that better or worse than your soulmate being from a different planet?’

Jane patted her on the head.  ‘There, there, Grasshopper.  Thor and I can teach you all about managing long-distance relationships.’

Stephen rubbed his hands together, a manic glint in his eye.  ‘But now we know that Soulmate bonds transverse realities as well as the galaxy.  Fascinating!  I’ll be interested to observe how—’

Darcy cut him off with a glare.  ‘You can stop channeling your cousin right there, Three.  I am _not_ letting you make a case study of my love life.’

‘Sherlock _wishes_ he was interesting enough for me to channel.’

‘I’ll be sure to remind you of that the next time you’re over there impersonating him.’

Baby Xavier sidled up next to her.  ‘Don’t think I didn’t notice that you said “love life,”’ he said, waggling his eyebrows.

‘Can it, Mini-Me.  There’ll be time for flirting once we get the Stargate situation figured out.’

‘Actually—’ Jane grabbed Darcy and Baby Xavier by the shoulders and turned them towards the door of the lab ‘—this a perfect time for flirting.  You and Balrog can show Mini-Me around while the three of us fix the Stargate.’

‘But Jane—’

‘No buts, Darcy.  Who’s the boss lady?’

‘You are.’

‘And who’s the Science!gremlin?’

‘I am.’

‘Well, there you go.  You have to do what I say.’

Darcy shook her head.  ‘I’ve taught you too well.  Fine.  C’mon, Mini-Me.  Let Balrog and I be your guides to the awesomeness that is our reality.’

‘By all means.’  He pulled her arm through his as she led him out of the lab.  ‘But on two conditions.’

‘Okay, what?’

‘One— _please_ call me Charles.’

She laughed.  ‘Charles, it is.  What’s the other condition?’

‘You tell me what Balrog is.  Like I said, we don’t have anything like that where I come from.’

‘Why, Balrog’s my Yukon Elk Hound, of course.’  She shook her head.  ‘I can’t believe you don’t have dogs in your reality.’

Tony threw open the door behind them.  ‘DON’T LISTEN TO HER, MINI-ME!  THAT HELLBEAST IS NOT A DOG!’

Balrog turned around and stuck his tongue out at Tony.  He’d just started doing that, and Darcy was very proud.

Stephen floated into view.  ‘Tony’s right.  She fed me that line the first time we met, but Balrog is most certainly not a dog.  Not in this reality any other.  I checked.’

Tony grinned and held up a hand.  ‘Aw, yeah!  Awesome Facial Hair Bros for the win!’  Stephen rolled his eyes but gave Tony a high-five.

Darcy followed her bilgesnipe’s excellent example and stuck out her tongue.  ‘You guys are no fun.  Clint would’ve backed me up on this.’

Charles laughed.  ‘Sorry, Darcy, but I’m telepathic.’  He tapped his temple.  ‘You’re going to have to work a little harder than that to fool me.’

‘Oh, you would be, wouldn’t you?’  She lifted one shoulder and grinned.  ‘In that case, challenge accepted!’

‘Looking forward to it.  So, you must be one of this Professor X’s favourite students, correct?’

She frowned.  ‘Uh, no?  Why would I be one of his students?’

‘Because you’re a mutant, of course.  A pretty strong one, too.’

‘Oh, really?  That’s cool,’ she replied absently, trying to decide where to take him first.  Her inclination was coffee.  Then his words registered and she pulled them to an abrupt stop.  ‘Wait, _what_?’

**Author's Note:**

> Charles helps Darcy understand and strengthen her power - to understand and be understood by animals, AIs (Wart) and relics (Wendy). Tony started calling her their very own Disney Princess. Until she shot him with Palpatine, that is. He claimed it was cruel and unusual to use his own tech against him, but the Avengers consensus is A: that he was asking for it and B: what did he THINK was going to happen?
> 
> They eventually get their Stargate working again, and Darcy and Charles take turns visiting each other in their realities.
> 
> Oddly enough, Stephen is the only one on board with the idea of forming a band. Tony agreed on the condition that he could play guitar, and Jane refused until Darcy talked Thor into playing drums.
> 
> In other news, I got a job! It's only part time, but there's opportunity for promotion later on. Plus, it's more than I was doing (nothing), and I know that God's provided this and will continue to provide. *sucks in deep breath* yay!
> 
> As always, you can leave prompts in the comments below, or come [shoot the breeze](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/ask) on tumblr. No smut, slash, or polyships, please and thank you.
> 
> Namarie, my little bilgesnipes!


End file.
